How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
