I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
