That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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