I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
