would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
