M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
