i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
