My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
