I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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