Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
