Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
