I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
