apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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