...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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