Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.

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(503): View more from Oregon

my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.

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(207): View more from Maine

can u get pink eye on your cock?

Fav 19 922 5825
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(904): View more from Florida

nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle

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(404): View more from Georgia

my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?

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(585): View more from New York

I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.

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