Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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