I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize