I just made out with a guy for $7.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
