dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
