Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
