theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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