I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I just put wine in my tea
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
