My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
