I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
