I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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