My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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