thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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