theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
