I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
