i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
