Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
