My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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