You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
