I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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