Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
