you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
