I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
