I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
