brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
