I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
