i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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