i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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