I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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