I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
