well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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