my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
