i don't like sucking hair
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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