party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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