My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
