This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
