I think I died a long time ago.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
