I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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