Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
