yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
