I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
