i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
