lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
