Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
