The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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