Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh god it's open bar.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize